Feelings

I'm not good at expressing them. When I'm sad or feel attacked, I get mad. When I'm mad, I do NOT handle myself well. Recently, I realized this. Every night when I'm praying with my kids, I pray that we will do as Jesus would want us to do every day. I pray this with my kids, yearning for them to remember the prayer the next day when they're faced with doing right or doing wrong. I usually do not remember this until after the fact. After I have reacted wrongly. Life would be so easy if we never faced difficulty. I would be a shining light at all times! It's when I'm faced with ANY kind of struggle/confrontation/bump in the road, that I act like I have never talked to God in my life. I try. And when I can see it coming, I pray, and it usually turns out okay. It's when it blindside's me that I react like a hooligan.
Last week, I woke up on Wednesday morning with this happiness that I wanted to share with everyone. I prayed that it would be a wonderful day and that I would shine for the Lord. And then I left my house. Everything that could have gone wrong, did. It was a HARD day. And I failed at shining for the Lord. I felt defeated. I felt like a failure. How do change the way that I react when faced with unforseen trials? Well, a new and precious friend let me in on a little secret. Stay in the Word. And that is EXACTLY what I plan to do. I know that there will be many more days that I will fail, but I also know that there will be many more when I will succeed.
*Let me just clarify: I have not done anything horrible! I was just not a shining light for the Lord when I had the opportunity to be.
My 4 year old made a book of feelings at school the other day.

                     His comments were:

• "I am happy when...I eat ice cream." 
• "I am sad when....I get a toy taken from me."
• "I am embarrased when...my mommy kisses me in front of my friends." (This one is strange since he BEGS for a kiss every morning [in front of his friends])
• "I am excited when...my daddy builds my swingset."
• "I don't think I know when I am angry."
• "I am worried when....I lost my bulldog."

I could make a book about each statement if they were my own. I am happy when...(insert book). I am sad when...(insert book). What I need help with right now is reacting to these feelings. I tell my 4 year old that it's okay to get mad, but he can not...fill in the blank (throw his tows, hit his brother, ect.). I am striving to get these things through to him, but what about me? Maybe I need to make "Abby's book of feelings...and the correct way to react to them. "