time is not in my control

WOW.
Summer FLEW by this year. I don't know if it's because I taught summer school for 3 weeks in June (just 7:30-11:30, but I still had to get up and go), or all of the random trips we have taken, or maybe both. Whatever the reason, it has gone way to fast this year. Next year, I am planning better! Only one family trip during the summer and NO summer school.
Needless to say, Monday is the big day. But an even bigger day will be Thursday, Merrit's 1st day at his new school! Big school! Really BIG school! I know that tears will be shed, but I feel that right now, this is what's best. Tears by me, certainly not by him. He is SO excited! He talks about it everyday. When we pass by the daycare where he has gone since we moved to Columbus, he says "Mama, there's Miller's school! But it's not my school anymore, right? Because I get to go to your school!" Oh my. I knew this time would come, but it has come too fast for me. I need more time. How do I get that?
I prayed last night that I would enjoy the here and now. Lately I've been looking back at baby pictures of both of my boys and hurting. Especially of Merrit. There are pictures all over my house of him when he was a baby, and then one, and then 2 and 3. He was my BABY. My WORLD for so long. Since then, I have found GOD. A relationship with Him that is indescribable. I love my Lord more than anything now. And although I love Merrit with an unconditional, unfailing love that will NEVER go away, he is no longer my world. I know that in order to be a good mother to him, a mother that will raise him in a home where we put God first in everything that we do, I have to put God first in everything that I do. Herein lies the struggle. I want to be in charge. I am one who is always in charge, and it is so hard to take a step back. I want to pull Merrit right out of school, quit my job, and turn back time. I know that I have done everything possible to prepare him for this next step, but it is still not easy. I want him to remain my baby, and he's just not anymore! Like I said, last night I prayed. I prayed hard. I do not want to have regrets when my kids are gone. It is FLYING by. Just like this summer, FLYING. I can't stop it. I am not in control. So I just prayed that I could enjoy the growing. The journey. The much too short journey.
This much I know is true: HE is in control of all things and I am continually learning to accept that. As long as I pray about what's bothering me (hurting me), and truly give it to HIM, it will be taken care of. I am so blessed to serve a God that knows my struggles, my failures, and my shortcomings, and loves me just the same :)