YES

Blogger...my how you've changed in the past 7 months!

So much has happened in my life but it's all happened so fast and I haven't taken the time to sit down and write about it. I can't stop and write about birthdays, anniversaries, new jobs, new schools, funny things that my kids say, trips that we take, ect. I wish that I could and I love to read other peoples milestone blogs!

My only blogs are going to come when I feel God pushing me to do so. When something is so heavy on my heart that I have to write about it or I'm going to bust. That's when I blog. That time is now.

I've been involved in a small group bible study for the past 3 years. The group that I am currently in is AMAZING. Like...God is there EVERY Monday night and is working big time in all of our lives. We pray together, learn together, cry together, laugh together, eat together (boy do we eat together), and "do life" together. Although I love all of these girls dearly and consider each and every one a life-long friend, we do not meet for the social aspect. We meet for the GOD aspect. And like I said before, I feel his presence with us every time we meet. A long time ago, a friend told me that the goal of a small group is to "do life" together, but also to equip each girl to become a leader and a disciple of Christ; to stop needing to be fed and to start feeding others instead (hey, that rhymed). SO....when I was asked by my church to lead a small group, I felt guilty when my first thought was, "I'm going to have to choose one or the other, and I'm not ready to let go of the other just yet." I didn't just say "No." I prayed about it, I talked about it with a few close friends, I really did consider it. At the end of the day, I decided that it would not be best for my family for me to take on something like that at this point in our lives and in my spiritual journey. Although I knew that this was the right decision, I couldn't help but feel that God was pushing me to step out, to do something bigger, something to further His kingdom.

That's when He stepped in. My preacher came to me and asked me to co-lead a small group on Sunday mornings right after our 9 o'clock service for a group of women who are recovering addicts. HELLO, GOD. I said "YES" immediately and knew that it was in God's plan for me to say "not right now" to the other group, and "YES, RIGHT NOW" to this group.

I know that there will be struggles, good times, not so good times, times of trial and tribulation. But I am ready. For this, I am ready.

"The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

Story

Since my last blog, a lot has happened. I met with my AWESOME pastor and worship pastor at my church and decided to share my story with my church family. The video was aired yesterday at church at it was posted to facebook today. Just in this short amount of time, so many people have reached out to me telling me their stories. I abolutely love it. It has taken me so long to feel comfortable enough in my journey to share my past. My problems. My struggles. God is AMAZING. I am constantly in awe of what he's doing my life and in the lives of so many surrounding me. It's also exciting to know that the journey is NEVER over. There are going to be ups and there are going to be downs, but GOD is constantly working. Constantly in control. Man, it's a good feeling.
Here's my story:

http://vimeo.com/38778471

For Merrit

In my previous post to my sister, I spoke directly from my heart....and it felt GOOD. So, I'm going to do that again in this one and hope I don't lose many any friends in the process.

See, I've been feeling convicted lately to tell "my story." I won't go in to the details as to why, but it's all around me. People opening up, other people being saved because of the openness. Amazing things are happening. It has really been put on my heart lately that witnessing does not mean pounding someone with the bible, but simply telling your story of finding Jesus and hoping someone out there can relate, or find hope. These people that I have found through my church and through blogs...these 2 especially: Momastery and Constant in Chaos, have really inspired me lately. I swear me and G (from Momastery) are long lost sisters. I might have even hung out with her at one time or another and neither of us would have remembered. I'm not ready to put it ALL out there, but I'm going to try not to filter it too much.

The reason this post is titled "For Merrit" is because 1. He turns 5 today, and 2. My life started with him.

I was saved when I was a child. I grew up in a traditional Baptist church, where I went to Sunday school, GA's, you know...the whole 9. But I never really felt "connected." I don't know if it is because I was a child or because I always thought that everyone there was better than me. It seemed that everyone in that church had a perfect family. I did not. And since NO ONE is perfect, they probably didn't either. It just seemed that way. No one was open. No one showed any flaws. I remember feeling so different from everyone else. I stopped going when I was old enough to say so. I guess it was around the time that I started drinking. Just didn't seem right to keep going to a place where no one had any problems. I was tired of trying to live up to everyone else, so I just quit trying.

Here's where I stop for a bit. I don't see any point in laying out what all went on during high school and college. But just so you understand, not a day went by during those years that I did not use in some way. The few times that I decided to stop, it hurt. I couldn't face sobriety. That meant that I actually had to FEEL. I wasn't ready to feel, so I just kept numbing myself. There were times during those years that I thought I was happy. I really did. Until now. I know now what true happiness is, and it wasn't that.

I've always prayed. From as long as I can remember (I actually remember praying that a boy would like me in the 5th grade), I have prayed. But I remember every detail of the night that I gave it all to God. I was sitting in a chair in my bedroom in the Cotton District. After drinking a bottle of wine, which was completely normal for me, I gave up. I talked to God in a way that I have never talked to Him before. I actually thought about everything that I was saying. I wanted Him to intervene in my life somehow, anyhow, I didn't care. I prayed for a miracle. A change. And a change I got. I found out 2 weeks later that I was pregnant.

I was forced for the first time to not drink. No more leaving class and stopping by to buy a bottle of wine on the way home. No more drinks after work. No more drinks on the porch. No more drinks because I was happy. No more drinks because I was sad. No more drinks because so and so was getting married (and there were A LOT of so and so's). It was hard. I'm not going to lie. I felt awful for a long time. I felt dirty. If I didn't feel good enough when I was younger, I CERTAINLY did not feel good enough at this point. But then, something changed. I slowly started getting better. I started enjoying life. I started getting excited about the life inside of me. I had something to live for. And it wasn't just a baby. It was a life. A life where the possibilities were now endless. I was living for the first time.

It didn't just end with a happily ever after. Although, it would be much easier if that were the case. But I don't think that that would have been enough. I have needed every single thing that I have gone through since then, just as much as I needed God to intervene when He did. I by no means have it all together, and as long as I'm on this earth, I never will. I get frustrated. I get irritated. I sin. But I know now that I am loved. Deeply. No matter what. Merrit did not save me. I was saved by God's redeeming grace. But it all started with that precious baby boy. I will never be the same.

Thank you God for coming into my life when I cried out to you in pain. You knew all along the plan you had for me. For my future family. A plan to bless me beyond belief with a husband who is the spiritual leader of our household. Who loves you and is actively pursuing you every day. Who loves me and our kids and is an active husband and father. I couldn't have asked for more. A plan to bless me with 2 beautiful healthy boys who are being raised to glorify you. You knew all along.

               Mama loves you, Merrit. More than I could ever put into words. Thank you, son.



For Alexa

I was 3 1/2 when my little sister, Alexa was born. Obviously, I don't remember life without her. I hear that when she was little, I pretty much treated her like my own baby. I told her what to do up until she was old enough to figure out that she didn't have to answer to me.
I dont remember a whole lot about my childhood, but every single memory has Alexa in it.
I remember playing in our "neighborhood." It was actually a pretty bad part of town and everyone who lived around us was somehow messed up. But those messed up people had kids, and we played with them daily. Tangles, torn clothes, and all.
I remember being jealous of Alexa because she got my cousins' hand me downs and me, being the oldest cousin, never could.
I remember Alexa being MUCH better than me in gymnastics. I was so proud she was my sister.
I remember her always being so happy. Crooked teeth and all. When she realized she had crooked teeth, she started smiling with her mouth closed. Hahaha :-)
I remember giving her hints on what to do when getting a spanking. I told her to first, run. If caught, scream bloody murder the first time hit so they would think she didn't need any more. Genius, I know. I always felt the need to protect her. Always.
Skip to high school. She was BEAUTIFUL. Cheerleader, Homecoming court, you name it. Again, I was SO proud to call her my sister. Not because of those things, but because she was even more beautiful on the inside than she was on the outside.
I was always a few steps ahead of her, obviously, because I was 4 grade years older. I did college by myself for 4 years and then she was there with me. By this time, she was my best friend. We went through things together that only sisters can share. The death of our mamaw, our parents divorce, not having a home to go home to for a while, growing up. Because of my problems in college, I didn't do my job of protecting her like I should have. I look back now and think I could have been such a better influence on her than I was. During this time, she protected me more than I protected her. Only a sister would have done that. And she did. And I will forever be grateful.
She is now so far away and I miss her so much. There is a huge place in my heart for my sister with love overflowing. She is the only person that I can truly be my complete self around (good or bad) because I know that she will never leave me. She doesn't judge. She listens. She laughs. She understands. She is my sister.
Happy Birthday, Alexa.
I love you,
Abby

Witnesses

I just completely stole this story from a friends blog, an AWESOME blog at that, and HAD to share. Thanks, Cathy.

I read about a woman named Pam, who knows the pain of considering abortion. More than 24 years ago, she and her husband Bob were serving as missionaries to the Philippines and praying for a fifth child. Pam contracted amoebic dysentery, an infection of the intestine caused by a parasite found in contaminated food or drink. She went into a coma …and was treated with strong antibiotics… before they discovered she was pregnant.
Doctors urged her to abort the baby for her own safety and told her that the medicines had caused irreversible damage to her baby. She refused the abortion and cited her Christian faith as the reason for her hope that her son would be born without the devastating disabilities physicians predicted. Pam said the doctors didn’t think of it as a life, they thought of it as a mass of fetal tissue.While pregnant, Pam nearly lost their baby four times but refused to consider abortion. She recalled making a pledge to God with her husband: If you will give us a son, we’ll name him Timothy and we’ll make him a preacher.Pam ultimately spent the last two months of her pregnancy in bed and eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy August 14, 1987. Pam’s youngest son is indeed a preacher. He preaches in prisons, makes hospital visits, and serves with his father’s ministry in the Philippines. He also plays football.


-His name is Timothy Tebow.

Christmas Card 2011

One of my awesome, talented friends made my Christmas cards this year.

Thanks, Brooke!!!

Another one of my awesome, talented friends took our pictures, which was not easy...see why below.

Thanks, Leah!!!

Christmas Cards

I love them! I look forward to the mail every day during the holidays to see what Christmas card I might get! I have a (small) Christmas card tree in my house where I hang my families Christmas cards that we make every year. Our Christmas card photo session didn't go too hot this year. Miller wanted NOTHING to do with taking pictures...but no fear...I have a plan!
I was searching sites this morning and have found TONS of great ideas on Tinyprints. Here are a few of my favorites:

Love the simplicity of this one:



Or, I might need to put this photo:

 

on this snazzy little circle one:

Tinyprints has several lines that I like this year: Vintage, Contemporary, and Classic are my favorites. Check them out for yourself here.  Happy Picking!